


Meaning x Of x Love

by Yubikiri



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Feel-good, Love, M/M, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 21:10:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4364273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yubikiri/pseuds/Yubikiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-2011 anime. A week after Gon and Killua's separation, Killua is upset at Gon and talks to his sister about it. Little does he know that she's going to make him question what his feelings really are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meaning x Of x Love

**Author's Note:**

> My first posted fic. Hope you enjoy!

Killua flopped on the hotel bed, leaned back over the edge and gazed at his sister Alluka while upside-down. He groaned dramatically. Alluka sighed. _And here it comes,_ she thought. Even Nanika knew by now.

“He could’ve at least tried to stop me,” he complained. “He didn’t even look back. What an idiot.”

Alluka frowned. She loved her brother, but he was starting to get on her nerves about this.

“Onii-chan, you didn’t look back either. Or try to stop him,” she responded in a kind, but scolding tone. It had been only about a week since Gon and Killua had parted ways, and her brother was constantly brooding over the separation. It made her feel guilty, as if it were her fault they weren’t together now. But surely it was okay for the siblings to spend some quality time together, right? And she did tell Gon that she wouldn’t keep Killua all to herself for long. She liked Gon, and he was kind to her. At first, she wasn’t sure what to think of him, since he seemed to be the cause of a lot of Killua’s hurt. Even now, he was hurting because of him. But she could understand when she remembered her brother’s warm smile and gentle eyes as he looked at Gon—

Killua’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Yeah, but I’m not really like that,” he argued. “Gon was always the one to be so straightforward. But he wasn’t that time…” he trailed off, his eyes staring blankly. Alluka couldn’t help but snicker to herself. Her brother was very smart, but at the same time so oblivious. She decided to help him along this time.

“Onii-saaaaan,” she called as innocently as possible, “Gon is very important to you, isn’t he?” She struggled not to laugh, and instead made a very silly grin.

Killua’s cheeks immediately flushed pink. He sat up abruptly in the bed.

“Alluka, why do you have to say such embarrassing things. Stooooop.” He jumped up and ruffled the hair on her head while making a pretend annoyed face. But he was smiling. Alluka clutched his arm and hugged it.

“Wellll~?” Alluka inquired. Killua pretended to look thoughtful for a moment as his cheeks cooled.

 “Yeah,” he answered finally. “He’s important. Gon is my best friend. We went through a lot together, even some scary stuff, but I had fun whenever he was by my side.”

“You miss being with him.” It wasn’t a question.

“Y-yeah, I guess so…” Killua suddenly jolted and stared into his sister’s face seriously. “B-but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy spending time with you! You’re my sister and I made a promise to watch out for you, but it’s also because I want to! You’re important to me too, Alluka.”

Alluka smiled and hugged Killua’s arm a little tighter, burying her face in his shoulder. She smiled a bit mischievously into it, obscured by his sleeve.

“I love you, Onii-chan,” she whispered. Killua’s eyes softened.

“I love you too.” He patted her head with his free hand. She tried to tone down her devious look, and lifted her head up to look at him in the face with the most innocent expression she could muster.

“It’s okay, Onii-chan. I understand what you meant. Gon is important to you, and I am too! Because you love us both so much!”

“Wha—“ Killua began.

Then he froze. Love them both? Sure, he loved Alluka. But Gon? He liked being around Gon, he admired several things about him. He enjoyed spending time with him. And now, he missed his presence. But that wasn’t something like love, was it? Nah, it was just caring about someone and enjoying their company. But… he cared about Alluka and enjoyed her company, and he called that love. Is it only because she is his sister? What really defined “love” anyway?

Alluka looked up at him, grinning devilishly. She knew he’d need time to think about the bomb she just dropped on his mind. She thought it a bit silly he hadn’t thought of it sooner, but at the same time, she understood that it was hard for Killua to fully understand and express himself when he was too busy worrying about others. This time away from Gon was good, she decided. _It gives both of them time to discover their feelings._ She smiled brightly to herself, proud of being such a good help to her brother. As much as she wanted to prod at the idea more, she thought it better to leave Killua alone with his thoughts for a bit. She was tired anyway. He had been groaning about Gon all day while they were out sightseeing. But at least now, maybe instead of pretending he’s mad at Gon, he’ll begin to understand what he’s _really_ feeling.

“I’m sleepy, Onii-chan. I’m going to take a nap.” She curled up on the bed and nestled in the sheets. The sound of her weight shifting onto the bed snapped out Killua of his thoughts, if only for a moment.

“Oh, okay.” He walked over and tucked her in, giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead and smiling at her until her eyelids fluttered closed. “Sleep well Alluka.” He watched her for a short while, before his mind was flooded again.

Of course he loves Alluka, but not just because she’s family. In fact, he probably hates _everyone_ in his family in some way or another, except her. He wants to protect her, keep her safe and happy and smiling. But then, he thought, isn’t that what he wants to do for Gon, too? Of course Gon is more capable than Alluka of defending himself. But Killua wants to be there, helping him, all the same. And maybe he wants Gon to have his back too. Just what did that entail, though?

 He imagined for a moment if Gon didn’t exist or they never met, what would Killua be doing now? The thought quickly became too painful to bear and he shook it from his mind. A world without Gon wasn’t a world he wanted to live in. Without Gon, he felt as if he might have never been able to grow as much as he had. Gon gave him courage and hope, a reason to keep fighting. Gon had saved him…and then eventually Killua had returned the favor. But he never really wanted that exchange to end.

For a moment, Killua pictured a future spent with Gon by his side. Growing up together, going on adventures, getting in danger but protecting and rescuing each other. Pushing each other to improve and work harder, bringing out the best in each other. Adventures just like before, but instead continuing for the rest of his life—the thought of it was blissful. The images in his mind made his eyes brim with tears.

“I’m so stupid,” he said, irritated. He ran his fingers across his forehead and through his hair. He tried to fight the burning feeling in his eyes, threatening to overflow. He gave up quickly.

“I love Gon.” Killua finally whispered. The tears were suddenly streaming down his cheeks in rivulets.

Alluka smiled in her sleep.


End file.
